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FROM: The Beauty Department

Open Letter to Kate Moss

Kate Jurgen2.jpegDear Kate,

It must be weird when the world is your SWF. Well, except for the whole having millions and millions of dollars part, but whatever.

But can you blame us? NO. If you weren't you, YOU would want to be Kate Moss. Just like us, you'd douse yourself in Kate Moss perfume and pile on the Kate Moss-endorsed YSL lipstick and the Rimmel mascara and wear Kate Moss for Topshop hotpants to slag around the second floor of the METROPOLITAN MUSEUM OF ART looking like a Francis Bacon-curious fille de joie.

So you understand why we're upset about the new hair care brand that you developed with your hairdresser/business partner, James Brown (our dentist is named George Michael—COINCIDENCE?!).

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FROM: The Beauty Department

Chanel Egoiste: The Best Passive-Aggressive Gift Ever!

2009_08_passiveagressivegift.jpgIt's a FANTASTIC-smelling cologne, so no one would ever NOT want it. It just has a lovely little message, like a fortune cookie. Not that an EGOISTE would notice the message. He'd be too busy talking about how he swaggered into a bar in Soho and demanded a free Pellegrino and they just GAVE it to him, or mulling over his 'art career'.

I know at least one man who--even if he doesn't know it--is begging for this particular birthday gift. You?

-Cat Marnell, associate beauty editor

P.S. I actually desperately want a bottle for my new apartment--it's so great-looking, and I could glamorously spritz it all over my furniture...Just in case any men are thinking of buying ME anything. Which, of course, they are NOT. Being EGOISTES.

See also:
The Gift for When Playing Hard-To-Get Isn't Working
I Canoodled with 50 Cent!
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FROM: The Beauty Department

FOUL E-MAIL BLAST OF THE WEEK

We receive some real winners, but this week’s—which cheerfully touted “the growing trend in jean.jpgteenagers requesting facial plastic surgery, from botox, chin implants, nose jobs and even liposuction, ALL FOR THE PURPOSE OF RAISING THEIR SELF-ESTEEM”--kind of takes the total-grossness cake. It also noted that the number of cosmetic surgical procedures performed on youths 18 or younger more than tripled over a 10-year period, to 205,119 in 2008 from 59,890 in 1998.

--Jean Godfrey-June, beauty director
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FROM: The Beauty Department

HAPPIEST BEAUTY FACT OF THE WEEK

snow leopard.jpgLast week it was Salvador Dali's makeup compact; this week, it is the snow leopards currently shacking up at the Central Park Zoo. Listen to The New York Times:

"To create a more interesting habitat, keepers have sprayed various other scents on rocks and trees. Human colognes have even led to palpable pleasure among the snow leopards (particularly, one keeper points out, a perfume from Est??e Lauder)."

Youth-Dew? Pleasures? Perhaps too obvious. White Linen?? I bet it was White Linen. White Linen's MY favorite, so hopefully snow leopards and I have similar tastes. MaybeA Pure White Linen? Pure White Linen Light Breeze??

I know one of you readers out there is a zoo handler with the true answer.A

--Cristina Mueller, senior beauty editor

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FROM: The Beauty Department

LUSH OBSESSION!

Thumbnail image for Lush_solid_shampoo.jpgI am completely fascinated by the concept of the Lush solid shampoo.  Every time I shop there, I spend way too long lingering over the shampoo bars, wondering if they’re anything like liquid shampoo or if they amount to washing your hair with a bar of soap. I inevitably talk myself out of buying any and leave with my standard arsenal of bath bombs, bubble bars, and some eau roma toner.  

But recently, while attempting to pack for a weekend trip in a way that allowed me to stay within the meager liquid allotment for flights and still avoid checking my bag without sacrificing any of what I deem to be necessary beauty products, I decided the time had come.  I bought a bar of their classic Trichomania and threw it in my weekend bag expecting a trip full of bad hair days.  But by the end of the weekend all I could think was “Why didn’t I try this sooner?  It’s amazing!”  Aside from making packing easier, it is seriously great shampoo!  It makes my hair shiny and soft and leaves the nicest trace of coconut scent behind.  I’m officially a convert.  It has changed my life (and perhaps more importantly, my hair) for the better.

—Emily McCarthy, editorial assistant


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FROM: The Beauty Department

BIZARRE PERFUME OF THE WEEK: DON'T STOP 'TIL YOU GET ENOUGH

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Was the Speidi-in-swine-flu-masks photo op not one of the greatest of all time? Of course, they weren’t the first to attract media attention by wearing surgical masks: Michael Jackson was ON that trend forever ago, possibly before SARS.

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And way before that--before little Blanket Jackson, before the oxygen tank rumors, before Bubbles the Chimp ever dusted a bedroom--Michael Jackson was a trendsetter. Like today’s most stylish celebrities--Jennifer Lopez, Gwen Stefani, Kate Moss--MJ had a fragrance (a whole collection, in fact: Mystique de Michael Jackson, Legende de Michael Jackson, Magic Beat Unwind, Magic Beat Heartbeat, Magic Beat Wildfire, and Michael Jackson Mystery).

Sometimes you can find them on Ebay (have we all checked out Lucky'sA Ebay Obsessed blog?). It’s the perfect gift for someone--someone weird, but someone nevertheless! I, for example, would die for a fragrance designed by Pete Doherty (you can speculate in the comments section what that would smell like).

Which weird celebrity do you wish had a fragrance (and how would it smell)? I'll shout out some of my favorite commenters in next week's celeb perfume post...

-Cat Marnell, associate beauty editor

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FROM: The Beauty Department

BEAUTY NEWS ROUNDUP: DINA LOHAN HAS A NEUROGASM

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Britain's Daily Mail reports a rise in UK adults getting braces, lamenting that "we, like the Americans, have become neurotic in our quest for the perfect smile." First we were all, "This from the country that brought us Bridget Jones and every Hugh Grant character ever? WE'RE neurotic?!" Then we remembered Tom "dizzying neuroses" Cruise and his unfortunate braces phase. The UK wins. (Daily Mail Online)


Hold on tight, spider monkeys! Robert Pattinson’s hair was EXTRA-wild at this presumably Twilight-publicity-machine-ordered photo op at Cannes. Let the man rest! We need him! He’s like our own personal brand of heroin! We’ve never wanted a human’s blood so much before! AS IF HE COULD OUTRUN US. OK. We’re done (for NOW). (New York Post’s Popwrap, Youtube)

More hot hair at Cannes, this time on current Lucky cover star Diane “even-
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Karl-approves” Kruger. Learn how to imitate her sexy fishtail-braid here. (Bellasugar)

We never tire of this: the best and worst of celebrity skin! Since our Dina weirdly didn’t make either list, we’re getting our daily dose from her completely brilliant (“I will not let that keep me down while being CREATIVE, neurogasm in han”) Twitter account. Speaking of which, do you follow Lucky on Twitter yet? (Total Beauty, Twitter)

Supermodel sass never gets old! “When you’re a great beauty, it’s always downhill for you,” says Iman, of eponymous-and-fabulous-cosmetics-line fame. “If you’re someone like Mrs. Obama, you just get better with age.” ZING! (Afro.com, Iman Cosmetics)

A glamorously-mohawked French fragrance designer will debut his scent opera, “Green Aria”, at the Guggenheim Museum. Hey, did you know that stenches like vomit, rotten fish, and urine are "as essential to a perfumer’s palate" as rose and citrus? Now you do! (Wall Street Journal)
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FROM: The Beauty Department

MAKE IT STOP: -ISTA MADNESS

cat-thumb-100x100-thumb-100x100-thumb-100x100.jpgI detest the descent of the word “fashionista”* into the American lexicon. Now, even worse, “recessionista.” Beauty companies are throwing these terms around the way Criss Angel throws $100 bills into crowds to get publicity; one member of the beauty department even sighted a hair salon entitled ‘Beautista’. I hear/read them CONSTANTLY.A It makes me want to crawl into a doghouse in some random suburb and eat bugs and squirrels and live like a feral child (feralista) until I finally wither up and die.

In my nightmare, “-ista” takes over the world: Doctorista! Teacherista! Accountantista! Scientista! Venture capitalista!** And imagine the psychiatric diagnoses: “Depressionista,” your compassionista doctorista would proclaim. Repressionista! Regressionista! Supressionista! Obsessive compulsivista!

Anyway. This is supposed to be a beauty blog. Plus, my heart is bleeding.

-Cat Marnell, associate beauty editor

*I DO, however, like the blog Fashionista.

**My beloved Starbucks baristas are, of course, exempt.

*** And as I was writing this, Jean got a Facebook request from someone calling herself a PERFUMISTA! Swear to God!
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FROM: The Beauty Department

BEAUTY NEWS ROUNDUP: TWILIGHT AND BEYOND

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What do Kristen Stewart and Brooke Hogan have in common? NOTHING!!! EXACTLY!!! Yes, the debate over sky-high SPF continues, but whatever: the point is, the new cool kids are neither orange nor leatherfaced. Check back on Monday: we know exactly which sunscreen the Twilight cast wears on set.

Chris Rock’s documentary Hair explores hair's effect on the “pocketbooks and sexual relationships [...] of black people.” This sounds infinitely more appealing than 1964’s The Long Hair of Death (I Lunghi Capelli Della Morte), about a 15th-century feudal village, a pervy lord, misogyny-driven murders, and a sweeping deadly plague.

Anne Hathaway’s new Lancome commercialA was styled by Rachel “I DIE” Zoe (Anne's real-life stylist) and filmed at NYC nightclub The Box, where we once found a lone Reebok PumpA and got checked out by Keanu Reeves. In one night!

Will we be slaughtered in the comments section for writing about the KardashiansA twice in four weeks? Maybe (but whatever: it’s not like we’re coveringA the Bruce Jenner facelift)! Read about theA “Glowy Khloe”A look here.

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FROM: The Beauty Department

DO YOU EVER DO YOUR MAKEUP IN PUBLIC?

simone.jpgThis morning, I took the subway an hour earlier than I usually do, and there were so many women applying their makeup right there on the train.   I’m forever running late, but I just don’t think I could do it in front of the whole world--can you?

--Simone Kitchens, beauty assistant

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