Cristina's Adventures in London: Part 4

Armed with my Wonderbalm, I spent a frigid day outside of London in Kew Gardens—a massive, beautiful, royal botanical sprawl—bored, cold, following around the dullest tour guide EVER. (Horticulturalist humor is the worst: "If anyone ever offers you a cycad sandwich, you'd better turn it down! That's because gymnospermous plants are poisonous.") For real. Plant Surprise No. 1 came in the greenhouse, where I discovered a Coco de Mer nut, the thing that makes my favorite Molton Brown body lotion so perfect and delicate and moisturizing—a nut that, for no reason at all, I'd pictured as some sort of demure little macadamia or filbert. But no: It is GARGANTUAN, as big as a beachball, and slightly ... obscene. Huh. Who knew.

I finally peeled off from the tour group and went into the gift shop to warm up and got really, REALLY excited about Surprise No. 2: In the rare seed section they had this weird little ferny plant-thing that, when you touch it or blow on it or get near it, COMPLETELY FREAKS OUT, curls all its little fronds in on itself, and doesn't go back to normal for like 20 minutes. It's called "The Sensitive Plant." I bought it as a present—perhaps it was a bit foolhardy—for my boss.

—Cristina Mueller, senior beauty editor

* CRISTINA'S ADVENTURES IN LONDON: THE HOMECOMING

So why did the Sensitive Plant make Cristina think of Jean? Well, you cross Jean—say, for instance, you'd like her to revise the piece on lip gloss, or you'd like her to change the teensiest tiniest word on her column—and she stamps her little foot, as editor in chief Kim France likes to point out. As she supposedly stamps said foot, her face darkens and her tone becomes shrill.

What can I say? A perfect gift is just a perfect gift.

—Jean Godfrey-June, beauty director

Kew Gardens photo by Cristina Mueller