Most Entertaining Beauty Shopping Experience on Record

Feeling thrifty, yearning for simpler times and freezing cold, I went shopping online at The Vermont Country Store. I purchased flannel pajamas and hideous but incredibly warm socks. I was utterly satisfied with my purchases when they arrived. My children were fascinated by the old-fashioned-looking catalog they came with—it produced shrieks of laughter for many hours in fact.

Eventually, they drew my attention to the beauty section—which is large and full of amazing things: Gee! Your Hair Smells Terrific! and Body on Tap shampoos, for instance.

The winner, for my children at least, was an extensive line of body products, all under the rubric of Tired Old Ass. No Philosophy, no Bliss, no Chanel, no Origins, just Tired Old Ass. Tired Old Ass Cream, Tired Old Ass Splash, Tired Old Ass Soak, and (my favorite) the Tired Old Ass Sampler.

Just in case you know someone whose self-esteem-boosting efforts have spiraled into haughtiness.

*People always want to know how I manage to function without allowing my children to watch TV. The Vermont Country Store catalogue is my new answer.

—Jean Godfrey-June, beauty director