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Get A Really Cheap Massage In A Sketchy Place, I Did

Yes, I just had to look at my bank statement to remember the name of this place because it has an odd name for a spot offering full body massages: Feet Island. (You almost didn't get to read this story because I don't know how to use online banking.)

It was a Saturday and after eating a lot of sausages (This is not meant to sound sexual. I always eat sausages on Saturdays. This totally sounds sexual still. Oh well.) at Gemma, my handbag designer bestie, Reece, and I decided it was time for a massage. Soho Sanctuary, Great Jones Spa, Bliss—all booked. No worries, our cool photographer friend Jenna Elizabeth knew just the place in Little Italy.

She didn't know what it was called either, so she had to walk us there. And there were two massage parlors right next to each other with the same exact neon sign. We walked into the once she thought was the right one, but even she didn't look entirely sure. We did it anyway! And it kind of didn't smell that great in the lobby. And there was a fish tank filled with the most messed up looking fish that were like, very overfed, or something.

I'd say that, at times, this massage was excruciatingly painful. But I could tell she was hitting the right spots and doing things that needed to be done to my back. And I guess that is what a deep tissue massage is all about. Especially taking into account that I have a bad back because I sit around typing all day. Sometimes in really weird positions.

Another very peculiar thing about this place was that the non-lyrical version of the theme song from The Lion King played continuously throughout the massage. Not, "Circle of Life," but "Can You Feel The Love Tonight" which is even more awkward when a stranger is touching you.

The moral of the story is that if you're down for that "hurts so good" kind of massage—my back felt great after the initial pain wore off—and you have nothing to do on a cold Saturday, go to this place and get a full hour massage for only $40. Best deal in town. And when you leave, try not to run into anyone you know like I did. I ran into Lucky's very own beauty editor, Megan O'Neil. "Ray, were you just walking out of that happy ending place?!" Yes. That happened. (Fancy meeting you here, highly esteemed editor that probably goes to fancy massage places.)

Everything I do is for you guys. Can you feel the love tonight? Check this place out!

Feet Island, 166 Mott Street, 212-226-6328

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