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These Jeans Are Also a Picnic Table

Picnicking's a quaint, lovely afternoon activity for people who toss their head back when they laugh and keep bottles of rosé perma-chilling in their fridge between wheels of exotic $20 cheeses. (See: romantic comedy stars, Gwyneth Paltrow.)

But it's also a surefire way to smear jam or dribble drinks on whatever blanket or towel you're sitting on—a minor, non-glamorous detail that's seemingly insignificant, until you go and invent picnic table jeans, like this Acquacalda company.

I'm pretty sure they're supposed to fall into the high-tech, multi-purpose fashion category (pants that purify the air, glasses that text your friends). Yet they don't make sense to me. I get that they serve as jeans before you sit down and a table right as you sit down. But the second food or drinks spill on that table-pouch-lap-thing, you don't have high-tech "Picnic Jeans!" anymore. You just have a dirty napkin sewn in between your pant legs.

That's not exactly ideal for running errands, so I'd imagine the multi-functional excitment ends there. And I'm not even gonna address the, uh, interesting way they look. But maybe I'm just biased since my tolerance for multi-purpose fashion starts and ends with reversible string bikinis. I don't know. Would you wear them?

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