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How To Rumble With Short Sleeves

A short sleeved button down shirt is a mighty powerful thing. But as Uncle Ben said to the Toby Maguire Spider-man (incessantly) “With great power, comes great responsibility.” There is an art to this item of clothing, and it is not to be taken lightly. If you’re walking down the street rocking a short sleever, and you’re wondering why people aren’t stopping you and asking if you’re the ghost of James Dean, sorry Charlie, you’re doing something wrong.

A common mistake is that of influence. Guys are visual creatures. We see something. We like it. We want to have it, because we assume that people will like us as much as we like whatever we liked originally. Confused? Don’t be. It’s simple, just like us!

We’re lazy shoppers, so if we see something on a mannequin that we think looks good, we’ll check the tag, find the right size and buy it without trying it on. This often leads to many a shopping regret, but it is my strong belief that the short sleeved button down is the greatest store displayed mirage of cool, because they don’t come with the mandatory directions.

To help me with this explanation I’ve enlisted the help of Vincent Spano and Nicholas Cage. I’ve asked them to reincarnate their roles from the legendary Rumble Fish, and give a step-by-step tutorial. Here we go:

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See that look of disgust that Cage is throwing Spano? Kind of like, you look the way dog shit smells. And Spano’s all like, “What? I saw this shirt in the display window at Bloomingdale’s, it looks super cool!” And Cage is all like, “Look I’ll show you how it’s done, first off roll up those fucking sleeves.”

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“Check out this cuff roll man, it looks like a freaking tailor stitched it up!” Cage says. “Now if you really wanna drive the ladies wild, show a little bit of that chest hair.” Spano says, “I don’t have any chest hair.” Cage is like, “Yeah, go figure. You live in Brooklyn or something? DO IT ANYWAY!” And Diane Lane kinda chuckles to herself, “Heh, heh, Brooklyn.”

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So Spano gives it a try and now Matt Dillon wants to chill with him! And as anyone who’s seen “The Outsiders” knows: Matt Dillon is the coolest. WHAT A TRANSFORMATION!

So say it with me boys: cuff roll, maybe one or two times. If you do three it starts to look messy, and out of proportion with the rest of the shirt. Cagey boy likes a three button lag, I’m more of a two button man myself, but if ya got a nice sheen do what you must. If you’re looking for some great short sleeve button downs I recommend Steven Alan, J. Crew, What Goes Around Comes Around and Engineered Garments.

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