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They're Zoolander-y ridiculous, obviously. But that's also why they're amazing.
Fendi
The picture of these shoes is so pretty, I would frame it on my wall.
Altuzarra
What Arya Stark would pick out at Barneys.
Dior
Calling them "classic black pumps" doesn't do justice to how obscenely sexy they are.
Marc Jacobs
What Megan Draper would wear for date night.
Chanel
Mod and chunky, like they came straight from Warhol's Factory.
Rodarte
Pair these Lego-like heels with a paneled leather jacket and go full-on Tron futuristic.
Lanvin
We're a little over glitter shoes. But not hologram shoes. Those are totally different.
Derek Lam
Use them to give a girly dress a little bit of Western swagger.
Marni
Oh, Marni. Always the cool kid on the playground.
Vivienne Westwood
The perfect '70s platform to pair with fall's kaleidoscopic sweaters.
Dolce & Gabbana
With a straw tote and a white dress, I would wear these all summer long.
Mary Katrantzou
Just the right balance of classic and interesting.
Alexander McQueen
It's probably a matter of hours before Lady Gaga slips these on. (With a leotard, of course.)
Max Mara
In another life, when I am an Italian art gallery owner, I will own these and pair them with all my amazing pencil skirts.
Peter Pilotto
These are my favorite. I just want to put them on my coffee table and stare at them. And then wear them.
Jason Wu
Versatile, but embellished enough to elevate any basic black-and-white outfit.
Prada
A pedicure is necessary if you choose these, since no one will be able to stop staring at your feet.
Balenciaga
Part Savile Row, part Museum of Modern Art, completely awesome.
Miu Miu
Sophisticated enough to tempt even the most sandal-suspicious women.
Carven
Loafers with a cheeky Lolita spin: we'd pair them with paisleys and plaids and all things collegiate.