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How Sofia Vergara Convinced Me to Buy a 'Sexy Snake' Ring

When I interviewed the beautiful, hilarious and well-dressed Sofia Vergara, she showed me her 10 favorite things. One of them was a Amrapeli 18K gold snake bracelet with diamonds and turquoise. When I asked her why she liked it, her gold-flecked eyes twinkled and she smiled in that amazing way—both sexy and mischievous. She said, “Eet is sexy, and eet ees a snake!” I laughed out loud, as I laughed out loud at many things Ms. Vergara said. (I listen to her interview just for fun, like I used to listen to my Bill Cosby record “To Russell My Brother, Whom I Slept With,” when I was a kid.)

What’s great about her answer (and almost all her answers) was that it was simple and honest and funny without even trying. She could have thought about it. She could have said, “Oh, I just love reptiles, they’re so sensual and this particular stone embodies the feminine and the snake the masculine and blah blah.” But no. Sofia is not someone who analyzes stuff too much. She’s not heady. She’s a doer. Yes indeed, “Eet ees sexy and eet ees a snake,” sums it up perfectly well for the highest paid woman in television.

I loved her and her snake bracelet so much. It seemed I would have more chance, however, of getting close to a piece of Sofia Vergara-inspired jewelry than to Vergara herself.

As with any burgeoning obsession, jungle-y jewelry began mocking me. A bartender in Fort Greene was wearing something like this, which was not as subtle as Sofia’s piece nor indeed a snake, but still had that good twisty animal thing going on.

And then on the subway I saw a woman on the Q-train wearing something like this. Which I thought about for a few minutes until I realized that no one, other than possibly Richie Sambora, needs to see a 40+ year old woman in a snake ankle bracelet.

The next stage in my obsession—naturally—was the eBay stage. I began to fantasize about this fantastic little piece of snake-ternity.

But a freelance writer doesn’t just interview a really fancy celebrity and buy a $1,000 piece of jewelry. Unless of course she wants to be just blatantly sad and creepily aspirational.

And then, one day, I was wandering down a darling street in Rhinebeck, NY (Shouldn’t all stories begin this way!) and I went into a store. There, sitting on the counter, was my snake ring! How did I know it was mine? Well, first of all, when I put it on, I immediately felt the magic flow of the feminine (rhinestones) and the masculine (snake) coursing through me. Second of all, it was well within my price range, particularly for something I highly doubt I will wear for the rest of my life. And finally, just looking at it made me want to shout, “Eet ees sexy, and eet ees a snake.”

Sarah Miller writes for Lucky and grist.org and is the author of Inside the Mind of Gideon Rayburn and The Other Girl. She is from Massachusetts and lives in California. Her most recent favorite item - orange Current Elliot cords. For her on Twitter @sarahlovescali

Above image: White gold-plated lapis lazuli snake ring, Roberto Cavalli, $300, my.luckymag.com

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