A Dude's Perspective: Blonde Girls Unite!

This week, instead of “A Dude’s Perspective,” I’m going to give you “A Blonde Chick’s Perspective,” from Selena Coppock’s new book, The New Rules for Blondes: Highlights from a Fair-Haired Life. Selena is my friend, a hilarious stand-up comedian and a natural blonde—all rolled into one! Buy the book here to read more of her blonderful rules.

Rule #1: Don’t Try This At Home

“Blondes are like the original five members of Guns N’ Roses in their legendary song ‘Mr. Brownstone’ with the lyrics ‘I used to do a little, but a little wouldn’t do it, so a little got more and more….’ It’s always just one more bottle of peroxide, one more at-home highlighting kit—blonde perfection is just one more process away. And perhaps blonde nirvana truly is just around the corner, but please leave that transformation in the hands of trained professionals. Take it from a girl who suffered through a summer living near Detroit Tigers fans and joking that the tiger stripes on my blonde head were a tribute to the baseball team.”

Rule #2: Wear the Right Bronzer (to fake your way to that “sun-kissed blonde” ideal!)

“A product that changed my life: L’Oréal Sublime Bronze in Medium…. If the bronzer is too bronzed for you, simply cut it with any old lotion for a less severe look. Just as you might over-season a curry dish and then dial it back with some shredded coconut for balance. In the wintertime, you probably want just a touch of color to remind others that you aren’t a zombie dancer from Michael Jackson’s ‘Thriller’ video. In the summertime, you probably want to let it rip with the bronzer so that strangers will think that you’re a relaxed, laid-back beach bum who spends her Saturdays in the sun, not at home crying while clicking through her ex-boyfriend's Facebook photos (or whatever).”

Rule #3: Spend Some Time on the Dark Side

“I encourage you to experience life on the dark side firsthand, as a personal challenge to test out a new look, a tool to engender sympathy and understanding for your fellow woman, and a gutsy endeavor to prove your own strength to yourself (like people who do triathlons). Sure, adopting a head of dark hair is a tough task for the former blonde, but one must endure winter to experience the spring. Peering at the world through brunette-colored glasses will make you appreciate the attention, levity and energy of life as a blonde. And, if nothing else, brown hair is a good foundation on which to layer gorgeous caramel highlights.”

THE NEW RULES FOR BLONDES, HIGHIGHTS FROM A FAIR-HAIRED LIFE, SELENA COPPOCK, $14.99, HARPERCOLLINS.COM

 

More on Luckymag.com:

Follow Brendan on Twitter:

Keep up with the Lucky team on Twitter:

FILED UNDER
Ask A Dude
KEYWORDS
Ask A Dude