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If we were to hold our own sartorial Olympics, here's exactly what we would have awarded the 16 countries with Gold Medal-worthy uniforms—click through to see them all.
Team USA: Gold Medal for Raiding Your Grandma's Ski House Wardrobe Trunk
We've said it before and we'll say it again: there's nothing wrong with a little kitchiness, especially when it's used to symbolize America as a country. Aside from one or two other countries, the U.S.'s uniforms, while eccentric, served as a recognizable costume rather than a means of simply keeping athletes toasty.
Team Tonga: Gold Medal for Most Likely to Get Street Style Snapped
Okay, so we will be needing this coat in our wardrobe, pretty much ASAP. Well played, *Tonga.
*Tonga's grouping of islands is a Polynesian sovereign state.
Team Switzerland: Gold Medal for Most Literal Interpretation of Taylor Swift's Red
Loving him is like driving a new Maserti down a dead-end street, right, Switzerland?
Team Sweden: Gold Medal for Cara Delevingne-y Beanies
Cara Delevingne should absolutely take advantage of her European residency and jet over to Sweden to pick up one of these babies. Those things were made for her.
Team Russia: Gold Medal for Embroidery
The host country's surprisingly rambunctious crowd featured several variations of Opening Ceremony uniforms, but all looks included an identical red and blue lining that is commonly found in Eastern Europe.
Team Norway: Gold Medal for Mandatory Snowboarding Apparel
Since snowboarders are obviously the chillest Olympians of the Winter Games, it makes complete sense that a country would mandate that their uniforms be what is essentially a glorified snowboarding get-up. Also of note: metallic newsboy caps. Just, no.
Team Japan: Gold Medal for Making Midi Coats a Thing
We all have long parkas to help us survive this tundra-like winter, but Japan included midi coats into the country's uniform. We just hope that pearlescent white color stays that white throughout the Games. Can we get some dry cleaning action in Sochi, please?
Team Jamaica: Gold Medal for All Cool Runnings Everything
Feel the rhythm, feel the rhyme, get on up, it's bobsled time! Need we say more?
Team Italy: Gold Medal for Randomly Placed Headscarves
We're a little confused: is the Bonnaroo-style headscarf an optional part of the uniform here, or are those just flags gone slightly haywire? Regardless, good for Italy for having a raging good time.
Team Germany: Gold Medal for Lisa Frank Imitiations
We haven't seen such a hight concentration of overly bright hues and/or prints since our days shopping for slightly psychedelic Trapper Keepers in grade school.
Team Australia: Gold Medal for Puffer Jackets Done Uniqlo-Style
Perhaps the Japanese mega-store's Premium Down Ultra Light Jacket has influenced those Down Under just as much as it has New York's downtown crowd, huh?
Team France: Gold Medal for Blazer-Parka Hybrids
Stare closely at this photo and if you do so long enough, you'll see those jackets are definitely what would happen if blazers and puffer coats had a love child. Leave it France to go the form-over-function route.
Team Finland: Gold Medal for Couture-Approved Sneakers
Despite the yummy, sky blue shade, these sporty sneakers could totally have appeared on Chanel's Couture runway.
Team Croatia: Gold Medal for Looking Like Race Car Drivers
Is there another sport besides Formula One racing that features such zoomy outfits? Is this a thing in Croatia?
Team China: Gold Medal for Walking in a Straight Line Like Kindergarteners
We know this category isn't fashion-related, but there's not much going on with their basic red and white uniform. Honestly, that line-up is demonstrating some impressive control right there.
Team Canada: Gold Medal for General Peacoat Game
This is the uniform many Americans have been voicing they'd prefer over the patchwork sweaters, because this festive peacoat can do no wrong.